Dear You, Please Don't Settle

My mom always told me to never settle. In life, in love, in my career.

I should have known that she’s always right. But I’m stubborn, and I like to find out things for myself. I never listen, to anyone, ever.

It took me a long time to come to terms with it. I tried to tell myself that everything was fine. This was normal. He has so many good qualities. I’m just being dramatic. Nobody’s perfect.

I know it’s easy to blame ourselves. I know it’s easy to justify their behaviour. I know it’s easy to make excuses.

I know it’s easy to live in fear, especially as we get older. We have this idea implanted in us that we have to have our lives together by 25. Then you’re 25, and nothing’s together so it becomes by the time you’re 30. When your whole life doesn’t make sense and you’re desperately trying to figure out your place in this world and connect all the pieces, it’s hard to give up the one constant in your life. The one who does give you comfort, the one who does care for you, the one who does love you, and the one who gives you attention.

What if I never find anyone else? What if I end up alone? What if I’m taking all of his good qualities for granted and am just focusing on the bad ones? What if the next person is worse? What if, what if, what if….

I get it. I do.

But I also know that deep down you know that something isn’t right. I know that you’re probably making excuses to justify their behaviour. I know that you’re ignoring the signs because it hurts too much to admit it to yourself. Maybe this is the type of “love” you grew up with and you tell yourself it’s normal. You tell yourself that it will be fine. You tell yourself that you’re happy. You tell yourself it will get better. You tell yourself this is just the way life is.

There is a difference between attachment and love. I wasn’t in love. I was attached and I was comfortable. And let me tell you, I know I’m not the only one. Almost everyone I know is settling in their relationships and I think that’s why I’m writing this. I see several of my friends doing questionable things because they’re searching for more, searching for love, searching for meaning, searching for understanding, and searching for passion. You’re not alone, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Everything is figureoutable.

I know it’s scary. I know it hurts. I know it’s uncomfortable. But I also know that you deserve the love that you desire.

As I’ve said, there wasn’t necessarily anything wrong, it just wasn’t right. Sometimes people are not good for each other, but it doesn’t make either of them bad people.

I know a lot of people think that my decision was impulsive and completely out of the blue. I shocked a lot of people and those same people spread lies about my relationship and my character. But if you really knew me, you would know that I overthink everything and look at situations from several perspectives before I make a decision. So no, it wasn’t impulsive, it wasn’t out of the blue, and it definitely wasn’t because I was with someone else.

I came to the clear realization that I had been lying to myself and to my partner for way too long. This wasn’t fair to either of us. I didn’t want to waste any more time, his or mine. It was one of the hardest decisions I have never made, but I was letting my heart and gut lead the way.

My mom always told me that I have this undeniable courage and don’t let fear hold me back. I take risks. I take chances. I take the route less travelled because I see the value in it. I let my heart be my compass.

Even though I am the loneliest I have been in years and question my existence every day, I’m also the happiest. I lost more than just my partner these past few months. Even though I have been so incredibly hurt by people that I thought were my friends as they left me without a second thought, I trust that they served their purpose and it’s time to let them go, too. But I’d be lying if I told you that I’m ok with it and that I’ve healed from the pain that these people have caused (also the consequences of my own actions) and I still cry about it all the time.

A lady told me a year ago that “the love I seek is out there”, so I have faith. I hold onto this faith in my weakest moments. I hold onto this faith when I would rather be anywhere but here.

But for now, it’s the season in my life to focus on myself and my business and how I’m going to serve the world, without distractions (which I’m failing at ps.). It’s the season where I need to accept and surrender to the loneliness and connect with myself and my truth. But as I said, I’m stubborn af and the universe keeps sending me the same situation over and over again. They’re not giving up and neither am I. Maybe I’ll learn soon, we’ll see.

I really am living my best life, though. I have been doing things that I haven’t done in years because I was held back by my partner (sorry). I have been meeting some lovely humans who are teaching me so much. I have been living the adventurous, spontaneous, and carefree life that I’ve been craving for a while now. Like I always say, stay wild.

It’s a strange feeling. Being the happiest, but saddest all at the same time. Healing and hurting all at the same time. Being here, but there all at the same time.

This is my story. This is my truth. This is me being vulnerable. I hope it helps.

It’s time to stop lying to yourself. It’s time to see the truth. It’s time.

Sending you all lots of love and courage!

Lisa xo